January 2011
32 posts
being in love
slylikeafox:
you being in love will tell who softly asks in love, am i separated from your body smile brain hands merely to become the jumping puppets of a dream? oh i mean: entirely having in my careful how careful arms created this at length inexcusable, this inexplicable pleasure-you go from several persons: believe me that strangers arrive when i have kissed you into a memory slowly, oh...
I know my world through broken glass and tidal rhythm; endless waves and shifting shards. These jagged edges and colliding worlds; the first desperate aching breath and the cutting edge of northern seas. There is salt in my blood and sand in my veins; inches only between this reality and that one - inches only between air and water, blood and bone, together and apart and never and forever. Yes, I...
My thoughts sometimes float back to people and places that I secretly know I shouldn’t be thinking of. But I can’t help it, I can barely even keep it under wraps most of the time. So know only that I thought of you once, smiled quickly, and rushed to bury the feeling beneath the heat of the moment before I could really begin to miss you. And of course, it didn’t really work.
fuckyeahexistentialism:
“When my husband died, because he was so famous and known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me-it still sometimes happens-and ask me if Carl changed at the end and converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again. Carl faced his death with unflagging courage and never sought refuge in illusions. The...
henrycharlesbukowski:
“Your life is your life, don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. Be on the watch. There are ways out. There is a light somewhere. It may not be much light but it beats the darkness. Be on watch. The gods will offer you chances. Know them. Take them. You can’t beat death but you can beat death in life, sometimes. And the more often you learn to do it, the more light...
From bed I can see the weather beat against the glass, and for a moment I wonder if I’m inside needing out or outside wanting in. Because it’s always the same, this buildup and breakdown and all the reasons you had not to call. I wanted your hands on my skin again, that calm but cruel pressure, but you are not to be; I am always too much when you only wanted not enough. I am ones and...
Sleep
Hi, Sleep.
We need to talk.
This on-again, off-again, back-and-forth sort of casual crap relationship we’ve got going on just isn’t working for me. You’re here for a few hours, then you bugger off to someplace else without any explanation or even the courtesy to let me know ahead of time that you’re leaving.
It’s got to stop.
You know I want you - we’ve...
I get so frustrated, sometimes.
I know that I cannot control the world or even hope to contribute to the thoughts of more than a precious few open-minded souls, but I do have a tipping point. There is only so much spittle and drivel and pure unwarranted hatred pouring forth that I can stand. I see such ignorance and cowardice, such wanton disregard for others. I know I can ignore it, but...
WatchSurfing isn’t all about sunny days, bronzed skin and bikini bums. For some of us, it’s cold and empty waves, the grey on grey but emerald hidden beneath, and the feeling of that perfect, fleeting moment - that smooth, soulful, supreme ride.
This. This is a part of why I live where I do, why I do what I do, why I’m so often blue-lipped and shivering but feeing just so damn...
1 tag
in repair
Somewhere around the sixth kilometer, my lungs give out. My vision blurs and shifts every so slightly; colour bleeds away and someone just keeps messing with the contrast. Blood turns to acid, my legs to ash, my bones become phosphorus ablaze. These oars in my hands are suddenly impossibly heavy, and the howling wolves disguised as waves redouble their efforts to tear me from this feeble vessel....
I can’t tell if something is real, or if part of me wants it to be just badly enough so that my mind is filling in the blanks, rewriting the details, colouring in the images. Because I really am crazy sometimes, and I really do doubt sometimes, and I just don’t know what to say, or think, or feel. I flip from sure to shaky one hundred times a minute, and this fluctuation only seems to...
literatestylish-kissablequiet-d asked: re: your last post. Did you move?
I champ at the bit and dance nervous on legs laced with veins pumping the reddest red, but colored not with blood but what feels like and surely must be liquid fire. I can see the path ahead, can smell the danger and disaster waiting, can feel the fear and regret and ruin brewing in my heart like some black on black cancer. I want to trust you so badly, want to run headlong and breakneck into this...
Greg Laswell - Your Ghost
I sat by the sea, wind in my face and The National in my ears, my pad and pen anxious as anchors, to write it all down. My lips are dry and my muscles sore, and the cool January air breathes promises of a spring to come that somehow I can’t quite take as truthful. There is so much I want to say, such a flood of words waiting just beyond this concrete dam built from equal parts guilt and...
One of those days when absolutely nothing goes right, culminating in a grand kitchen catastrophe that rendered some sort of burnt chocolate hell-sludge. I know it’s time to call it quits when not even chocolate and baking is working out.
I’m taking a beer with me to the tub, then going to bed. Hope your day was better than mine.
1 tag
Anonymous asked: Do you have any allergies? What is your favorite food?
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#117
I’ve been lying to you all along. Because when we are talking, it is impossible for me to not imagine your lips and how they might feel on my jaw. And when we walk together I picture your feet tucked in tight close to mine, buried deep beneath blankets and sheets. In truth, I see your hands on the steering wheel and want them instead with fingers intertwined with my own, I smell your skin...
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“i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles...”
– E.E. Cummings (1894-1962)
It sneaks in at night sometimes; down and under my door like smoke. I do my best to keep it out, but sometimes I’m just too tired, the day was just too long, this world is just too messed up. And now, 2:25AM and this bed is an infinite expanse of cold sheets and smooth cotton. It’s not even about sex - though I guess part of it always is - but right now, here at this instant, I just...
The weather is terrible here today - grey and angry skies continually threaten rain while this bitterly cold wind roars in from somewhere up north. Though a few trees are making optimistic attempts at budding out, the great majority of the local life seems to be huddled down and comfortable to wait for warmer weeks ahead.
I spent much of the morning outside around my house, scooping up piles of...
1 tag
Wake Up
Maybe they had it right in that Beautiful Girls movie - maybe it’s all in the smile of a beautiful girl. Or in the song that just speaks to you, that you play so much louder than you should. Or when you’re walking at night, and the frightened deer explodes from the brush and gallops so close that you feel her breath and smell her scent - when the world slows down just enough for you to...
I sometimes feel as though the very best people in this world were long ago scattered far and wide, as if some cosmic challenge was issued for them to wade through a lifetime of bullshit in order to find one another.
Listen.
As everyone forgot to tell you this earlier, I am telling you now. You are much stronger, more capable, at least three times as desirable and exponentially more intelligent than anyone today gave you credit for.
This is home.
I’ve spent the great...
Layered up in a winter coat left behind from...
don't mean much
A long flight, mildly hungover, but done hauling the ache and pressure of too many days away from important things. I’m back in Canada, in the basement of my parent’s home, and I’ll be back on my island in a day or two.
I’ve written two or three long entries about the death of 2010 and the arrival of 2011, but it’s honestly nothing you haven’t heard before....